It is a strange thing to try to explain but Dan and I have to "get to know each other" all over again every time he leaves and comes back. In a perfect world we would just pick up where we left off....
You know, like you do with your best friends; even though you haven't seen them in years it seems like it was just yesterday that you sat and chatted over coffee.
But when your in love it is a little different.
Love grows without you knowing it and it doesn't stop just because you can't be around the person you love. It grows and gets deeper and changes your life. And when the person who is in this amazing love with you is gone and then shows up again you finally see all the ways love has changed both of you.
Its beautiful and scary at the same time.
There is this strange part of seeing Dan that I never think about until I know he is back on American soil....all these "what if's" and insecurities creep to the front of my mind. The second he called and said he was back in the United States there was this list of things I needed to get done and new worries swirling around in my head.
It goes a little something like this:
What am I going to wear when I go pick him up at the airport? What if all my hair falls out the day before? What if I breakout? What should we do after I pick him up? Should I get the car washed? What should the apartment smell like...a scented candle or freshly baked cookies? Should I bake him cookies? What should I do with my hair? What if my lips are chapped? Should I get my nails done? I have to remember to have a full gas tank and my oil changes and all the bills paid. What if I look like I am trying to hard? What if he doesn't love me? I have to remember to have the apartment clean, clean towels, clean sheets. And I should do some laundry. What if my palms are sweating? What if my teeth fall out on the way there? What if he hates the apartment? What if he doesn't like the plans I have made for the wedding? What if we get in a fight? What if he is not like I remember? What if he doesn't want to get married?
Okay I know that is A LOT....maybe a little to much into the depth of Rachel's soul.
But that is honestly what I think about up until the second I see him and then all that worry and insecurity goes right out the window. That's when you know love is the most amazing thing you can ask for...when nothing, and I mean nothing else matters. When time apart doesn't matter, what you look like doesn't matter, what you say doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what your past was like, and everything that has happened since you saw each other doesn't matter. Love is truly like nothing else and I tell you that from my experience because Dan and I have had some really tough love and some really wonderful love. And when your two months from your wedding and your fiance comes home after being in a very dangerous place for 8 months and all that matters is that you can talk over a cup of coffee and hold hands.....that is the most amazing kind of love there is.